Autumn Amelia

Hello everyone!

While I was out running errands the other day I was in the area of a house Erik and I were interested in buying when we were first engaged.

I thought I would drive by and take a little look see.

When I drove by the house I was overcome by so many emotions.

I was sad that the house never worked out for us.

I was grateful for how far we have come.

I was sentimental for my past self.

And wait for it....

I was PROUD of myself.

That's right proud.

I have a really hard time letting myself feel proud.

I always feel like I have nothing to toot my horn about.

I feel I could have done better or I could have done more
Or I feel that I still have a long way to go. 

But, for this short instant I let myself revel in those proud feelings and I got a little weepy.

I am a crier if you haven't noticed...

I thought of my little 20 year old self and all the hope that she had for the future.

I thought of all the plans I was making and the home I was planning to create.

I thought of how hard we tried to buy that house and how disappointed I was that it didn't work out.

I thought of all the things that we would have to endure and how some of the plans would work but would take triple the time we thought.

I thought of how that little 20 year old would soon lose all that hope and feel so completely lost.

I looked at the house and thought about the house we now call home and how it's basically the same house but ours has a few things that I like better.

I thought of how hard we had to work to purchase it and how excited we were when we finally got it.

I thought of where we are now and how far we have come and I was proud dang it!

Later that night I wanted to tell Erik about my experience but it was so hard for me to admit that I was proud of myself.

He finally pulled it out of me and when I told him he said "Good! You should feel proud of yourself more often."

And I want to!

I really do.

But, it's hard...

I know that I am not alone in this.

I know many of you must have a hard time letting yourself feel proud too.

Especially if you are a women.

So, I would love for you to tell me when was the last time you felt proud of yourself?

Even if it seems small or insignificant.
Even if you just sat in your car and cried while looking at a house, see image below, I would love to hear what makes you feel proud!

All my love,

Autumn